That Wail

The last few months have been a long story, filled with sighs.

I spend time with my Harmonica, but we have yet to click as we do in my dreams.
I want to hear my dark thoughts and fleeting emotions out loud, in a cry to nobody.
The wail and roll

I want to feel my lungs aching for air, as the last notes of a long conversation with myself fade.

I want the pain of all this loneliness to echo from within, and echo from without

I crave to express myself without the need for words.
They just don't do it anymore.

I need to feel the vibrations of the air, filled with the silent screams I feel when time stands still.

What I need most though, is a simple dark evening.
Me and my reed.
And the memories that always come flooding when I am quiet and still.
oh, the memories.

They shall fuel my music
That would be enough.

To be happy with what my pain has wrought.
To listen to my own mind at work.
Even if nobody else ever hears it.

The Sea and a Stone

It's hard to deal with my loneliness when literally everyone around me has someone to fall back on.

But this is how it is.
And even I understand that complaining about it will not change it.

I will be alone through all of the holidays,
And I even have to spend my Birthday away from friends and family.
I don't even have to chance to con a girl into dinner with me, using my Birthday as an excuse.

I'm going to take it as a sign.

I'm not going to find a girl who wants me, that isn't already with someone else.
I'm not going to find a girl who wants me, who isn't living in a different area.
I'm not going to find a girl who wants me, while living in the Tri.

I'm going to be stuck in Wenatchee until Mid January it seems.
There will be no women for me.

I wish I was able to cope with this loneliness.

Being in this mindset,
I remember all the girls before this.

My name on their lips
Their eyes, looking only at me
Her fingers in my hair

The past is painful
The future seems bleak
The present is empty, and always flowing forward.

But I remember you all
Yes, even you.

Perhaps,
Perhaps you all were the Sea,
And I was just a stone.

Everyday Thoughts

I don't know what I want anymore.

I see plenty of cute girls, and there are a few girls who are giving me the bare minimum of attention.

But I don't feel anything for these women.
I feel as if I've lost the want...

I want a woman, but she isn't real. I've yet to meet her,
Or maybe I met her, and lost her.

Either way, All these women confuse me.

I don't understand the need to juggle so many men.
To play so many games.
To hold someone else to so many standards.

People are too needy.
Nobody seems to be happy with themselves these days.

Everybody wants to be validated through the opposite sex,
And I'm just moving further and further away from that.

I want what they all have,
But having it is no promise that I'll be happy.

Why bother myself with all the trouble?
If somebody wants to talk to me, or fuck me,

All they need do is say so.

The simple life

Days pass
Weeks end
Months turn
Seasons fade

And the world keeps on spinning

I remember the first time I saw you.
There was no you.
And I only had an idea of me.
You were high strung,
And a stranger

Life was simple and crazy
I didn't know it then
But you had it out for  us,
And our way of life
You sultry demon, you.

Sometimes I found myself furious with you
And other times you were too drunk to hold your towel up
And I could never e mad at that

I saw every inch of you
Imagined every joy
Heard every sigh of release,
All before I knew what you were

I watched you break it down,
A little at a time

I watched you patch it together,
One fuck at a time

....
And the world keeps on spinning

Early November Mood Music

Boy with a Coin.....