The girl

I wish I could do better by you
cause it's what you deserve...

Evening thoughts

Watch the smoke billow away.

Flick that cigarette into the evening air, and with it your worries.

December 8th

Another year gone, Another Friend lost.

It's been real dude, but you don't need me anymore.

KT be with you kid.

That Wail

The last few months have been a long story, filled with sighs.

I spend time with my Harmonica, but we have yet to click as we do in my dreams.
I want to hear my dark thoughts and fleeting emotions out loud, in a cry to nobody.
The wail and roll

I want to feel my lungs aching for air, as the last notes of a long conversation with myself fade.

I want the pain of all this loneliness to echo from within, and echo from without

I crave to express myself without the need for words.
They just don't do it anymore.

I need to feel the vibrations of the air, filled with the silent screams I feel when time stands still.

What I need most though, is a simple dark evening.
Me and my reed.
And the memories that always come flooding when I am quiet and still.
oh, the memories.

They shall fuel my music
That would be enough.

To be happy with what my pain has wrought.
To listen to my own mind at work.
Even if nobody else ever hears it.

The Sea and a Stone

It's hard to deal with my loneliness when literally everyone around me has someone to fall back on.

But this is how it is.
And even I understand that complaining about it will not change it.

I will be alone through all of the holidays,
And I even have to spend my Birthday away from friends and family.
I don't even have to chance to con a girl into dinner with me, using my Birthday as an excuse.

I'm going to take it as a sign.

I'm not going to find a girl who wants me, that isn't already with someone else.
I'm not going to find a girl who wants me, who isn't living in a different area.
I'm not going to find a girl who wants me, while living in the Tri.

I'm going to be stuck in Wenatchee until Mid January it seems.
There will be no women for me.

I wish I was able to cope with this loneliness.

Being in this mindset,
I remember all the girls before this.

My name on their lips
Their eyes, looking only at me
Her fingers in my hair

The past is painful
The future seems bleak
The present is empty, and always flowing forward.

But I remember you all
Yes, even you.

Perhaps,
Perhaps you all were the Sea,
And I was just a stone.

Everyday Thoughts

I don't know what I want anymore.

I see plenty of cute girls, and there are a few girls who are giving me the bare minimum of attention.

But I don't feel anything for these women.
I feel as if I've lost the want...

I want a woman, but she isn't real. I've yet to meet her,
Or maybe I met her, and lost her.

Either way, All these women confuse me.

I don't understand the need to juggle so many men.
To play so many games.
To hold someone else to so many standards.

People are too needy.
Nobody seems to be happy with themselves these days.

Everybody wants to be validated through the opposite sex,
And I'm just moving further and further away from that.

I want what they all have,
But having it is no promise that I'll be happy.

Why bother myself with all the trouble?
If somebody wants to talk to me, or fuck me,

All they need do is say so.

The simple life

Days pass
Weeks end
Months turn
Seasons fade

And the world keeps on spinning

I remember the first time I saw you.
There was no you.
And I only had an idea of me.
You were high strung,
And a stranger

Life was simple and crazy
I didn't know it then
But you had it out for  us,
And our way of life
You sultry demon, you.

Sometimes I found myself furious with you
And other times you were too drunk to hold your towel up
And I could never e mad at that

I saw every inch of you
Imagined every joy
Heard every sigh of release,
All before I knew what you were

I watched you break it down,
A little at a time

I watched you patch it together,
One fuck at a time

....
And the world keeps on spinning

Early November Mood Music

Boy with a Coin.....

Misguided Ghosts

They echo me in circles.....

Spoken Word Night

Some call it people watching.
I've always just called it being awake.

I can't help but watch and observe the comings and goings.

Where is she rushing to?
What does he do for fun?
That guy looks violent.
She looks lonely...

Some feel my eyes upon them.
I wonder what they think when our eyes meet.
Do I come off as snobbish?
I'm merely curious.

But who watches me?

Do I even notice?

Every now and then, you lock eyes with someone from across a room, and one of you looks away.
But how long were they looking before I looked up.
Was he wondering how much competition I would be as the night progressed?
Was she trying to figure out what color my eyes are?

Or was it nothing?
A mindless glance around the room, and I was merely a focal point.


As I stare around tonight, I catch the eyes of many, but nobody comes to talk.
This place is starting to feel alot like home.

That one girl

Lately I've had this craving,
for something I've not tasted in a long while.

My better judgement yearns against the urges.
But like the sea they Push, and Pull...

I've been told that I'm wanted, but I do not feel so.
I've been told that I'm a personal fantasy, but those are just words...
How can I see what you see? You give me no detail.

At times when alone, I feel myself aching for the sound of a *sigh*
The vibration of a thigh.
The tingling you get that makes toes curl and bad karma flee.

...

But as in all things I crave, I cannot know if it's good or not.
I flee from past mistakes, but do not confuse the notion.

You are tempting...
But you are dangerous.

And while danger may be fun.
I'm no longer a boy, as you've no doubt noticed.

Keep me in your thoughts.
Look me in the eye next we meet, and see what you find.

Who knows, it may just drive you mad.

The Bar

I see you glance my way out of the corner of my eye.

What is it you see?

That time she called me babyfaced?
The mark I carry across my face?
The studs I wear as an act of rebellion?
All the memories that darken under my eyes?

You refuse to meet my eye.
Always looking busy the moment I turn to smile.

Are you ashamed?
Embarassed?
Scared?

What do you expect to find hidden in my eyes?

The first time I told her "I love you"?
The last time I said "it's over"?
The last time i let my father strike me?
The first time I spoke up?

You want to know more, but you know nothing to begin with.

Did you know?

I let her cheat on me?
She was the last?
I stopped saying "I love you" after her?
I'm scared to want someone, but more afraid to be wanted?

You're in over your head.

I'm to quiet to be of any use.
I like the little things, more than any big thing.
Sex should be slow and drawn out.
Momma didn't raise no quiter.

...
She laughs and wishes me well.
It was nice to see you again.
She looks me in the eye. Finally.

And just for a moment I hear her cadence behind my eyes.

"What is it you see?"
"What do you expect to find hidden in my eyes?"
"Did you know?"
"You're in over your head"

I chuckle to myself, and shake her hand.
Our eyes meet for the second and last time that night.

Until next time ladydude.

Hmmmmmmmm

When alone
hum

hmmmmmmmm
hhhrphhhhhmmmmm
MMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmm
EEEEEUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMmmmmmmm

There is no point in thinking about it
let the vibrations tickle your tongue till you can no longer stand it
the hum starts to take control.
Low or High
you stopped controlling it long ago, as instructed

Feel it

R                        F
I          and         A
S                        L
E                        L

fill your being with it

then

Reverse it

Allow the feeling to begin in your heels
Let it twist and twixt between your thighs and around your calves
Let it pummel your chest until you are numb
Let it flex your fingers to your biceps

Cross your eyes and take a breath

Exhale

Hum