Welcome to My World

Welcome to my world

Lesser evils.
Powerful truths.
Working everyday,

Just to pay for this roof.

Smile. Stare. Space.

You all think you see me.

I'm not really here,
Just running from this fear.

I won't let it catch up

Just bring it here to wrap up
Christmas is just around the corner,

Don't have a dime, or a dollar, to even pay for this order.

So bring me what you have,

And I'll show you what is mine.
I speak in rhymes and riddles,

Just know that I'm not lying.

Inspiration hits me deep,

When it hits at all.
Living life, Climbing up,

You bet your ass I won't fall.

But you can't deal with anybody but yourself,

Hearing things like "Where the fuck you been at?"

Going through all the motions,

Like a monk, different for devotions.

And I feel bad when I see you.
Not for him, or me, and definitely not you.
Your eyes glimmer with black gold,

While hiding your true emotion, Blue.

So I'll be here when you realize what happened.
Ask me a question, and I'll tell you a story.

About the times before the rapping.

And I promise, It won't be boring.

"Welcome to my world"

Just you and I

Nobody knows the trouble i've seen.

Nobody knows where my heart has been.

I want to explain, if truth be told.

But i'm not quite that sure, and far from bold.

In the distance you glow,

I can't look away, my stride seems to slow.

Your so far from my league,

But a young man can dream and plead.

So i'll chase you to till the end,

As long as you don't let the end begin.

And i'll follow you to the stars,

Where I'll trade those stars for your heart.

I wonder who you pretend to be

When your not around me.

But i know the real you,

What you show is not true.

I love you, or at least what you stand for

and I want some time, or at least a bit more

To show you this wild ride,

Just you and I.

Speeding By

Take the bait

I won't tell

Between you and I,

This secret

Kept, and hidden

Deft hands grabbing

Probing for more

She's no

Whore,

Or Tramp

Just making her way

One mistake at a

Time, flowing, on, on, on,

Fingers ripping,

and Tearing

Just to hold

On, top of the world

Higher then any doper

Stronger then any brute

Faster then a rumor

Out of control, thoughts

Pushing and Rushing,

Bussing and Tustlin'

Over and Over and Over

And again.

Questions/Answers

Who are you going to be with?

What are you doing?

Where are you going?

When will you be back?

Why do you need to leave?

How do you plan on doing this?

........................................................

I'm going to be with me, and maybe some others, possibly.

Making bad decisions

New Directions

Half past whenever I get around to it

What I have to write, Isn't what I want Writ

Charm, luck, and god willing, a bit of wit.

Tick...... Tock.....

History,

Or Her story,

Thoughts all a flow,

Row and sow,

But where you go...

And what you know,

Just because i'm not rich,

Doesn't mean i'm poor.

Brief, and quick.

Angry pick,

Drastic choice...

25 licks,

Of hatred and pain,

My blind melon,

Fuck, no rain?

No rain?!

For the desert

That is my soul.

Lonliness is a weed,

Pull, and pull, and pull.

With everything you've got,

Till we're both free,

At least me...

You, not me.

Please,

Answer this prayer,

And i know,

How rare, oh rare

A prayer,

I dare...

Prayer of a New Age Dreamer

Lying sparks no flames, but lies can become wildfires.

Death is a part of life, and should not be feared. But death is then, and life is now.

Family and Friends may love you, but you are the only one who truly understands "you".

Time and Privacy are valuable things. If you wish to enjoy yours, don't disrupt anothers.

Love is magical and unimaginable. Lust is not. Do not confuse the two.

People change. Do not resent them for it. Accept them for what they have become.

Words solve problems more often then Force. But, words cause more problems then Force ever could. Understand the difference.

Some things are best left unsaid. Unless you want them re-said, regurgitated, and wrong.

Having sex, and making love, are two different things accompanied with two different emotions.

Friends will tell you what you want to hear. True friends will tell you what you NEED to hear.

"I love you" are words said between lovers. Anything less, isn't acceptable.

Just because you have something to say, doesn't mean people are going to want to hear it. That being said, you are entitled to your own opinion.

Conformity is not a problem. Just because you don't belong in a certain environment, doesn't mean there isn't an environment that you belong in. You just have to create it.

When swimming against the stream of life and society, tread carefully, and watch out for the waves.

Karma may or may not exist, and even if it doesn't, I will still lead my life according to how I wish to be treated by my peers.

These are the rules I try to live by. I'm an imperfect soul. But I know who I am. What I want. And how I choose to be seen by society. For all the things I'm not, there are things that I am.

~Prayer of a New Age Dreamer

Notebook Sessions #1

I wonder often

What it could be like

To know the pleasure you know,

The excitement someone new brings,

The suspence of day to day,

She gives you.

It's not her,

nor you,

not even me.

But of her and you becoming "we",

and me...

Well, I'm still me.

One day perhaps,

I'll know that faraway feeling.

Something I knew long ago, far away

I can't quite recall,

Who, what, why it was.

But it was.

Or was it?

For the Bold

What to write,

What to type.

I'm having difficulties,

Crossing i's, dotting t's.

Here I sit,

Nothing much writ,

Just my luck...

..But fuck...

While on the breeze,

I see with ease.

Days ahead and soon and far.

...

Makes one wonder where I are...

Ramble, ramble ramble

Words all a scramble.

Can't wrap my head around this concept,

except...

Here we are.

Something I accept.

What's tomorrow hold?

For the Brave.

For the Young.

For the Bold.

Hmm.

Lately,
I forgot what it's like to feel wanted.

Lately,

I wonder what if, more often then not

Lately,

I don't know what I'm capable of anymore

Lately,

I feel lonely all over again.

Ellensburg

It's lonely in this town.

Home is where the heart is,
and mine is not here.

Friends, wreck-less with abandon,
nowhere to be seen.

My calm demeanor.
Full force against my rage.

An endless battle,
Neither side gains ground.

It's lonely in this Town.

SSDD

Unrest
Stretch and breathe

Ignorance

Confusion

Realization
...

Fuck...

Clothes, Wallet, Keys, Phone, Sunglasses

Check

Sanity

Maybe later...

Flip my lucky

Spark

Inhale

Exhale

Deeper and deeper breathes.

My hands stop shaking

"Hi, how are you?"

"I'm fine, and yourself?"

SSDD

Looking forward?

Fuck it,

Looking back,

How could it have ended better?

If I had done this, or not that
We had been more honest

I said what you wanted to hear

You did what you felt was right

Inhale,

Exhale,

Stretch

It's over.

The sun set,

But the moon doesn't rise.

It usually doesn't

I don't expect it to.

Rest...

Repeat.

Every time

Every time I see you,

Your beauty,

Your flaws...

Every time I hear you,

calm,

Or angered...

Every time I touch you,

Adrenaline rush,

Taboo...

Every time... I look forward to the day I won't see you again.

Then these things won't remind me,

That you don't want me.

Change of Plans

You know that strand of hope?

When everything is wrong, it's all that is right.

When your lonely, it's what you hold onto.

When darkness is all you know, it's a sliver of light.

When day after day, you tire of society...
... It's the smile you plaster on, and keep going about your ways.

Do you understand yet?

People are rude to you day in and day out

Things never go your way

Your always on the losing team.

Your hope is there.

I can tell your starting to see what I'm getting at.

When you fall to the ground, and hope someone helps you up.

When you meet a special someone, and hope they feel the same way.

When you work till it hurts to rest, and hope that peace comes soon.

...

That hope.

Yeah... Fuck that hope.

...

Lately I've been wondering...

And that's never been a good thing.

Valid Concerns

I see you staring,

Even though your not.

I want to talk to you,

Maybe some other time.

I fear what you think,

If thoughts are what you call those.

I need to cut myself free,

From what... I don't know.

My scars remind me,

Not of you, But of me.

Self-Inflicted, but not in Anger.

Not in pain...

Not in sorrow...

These scars are stories,

"This is what happened."

These memories don't hurt,

They hide.

These thoughts, inside my mind,

Driving me insane, maybe...

These dreams keep coming,

But unwanted; no.

Dreams of Light and Dark.

Never good or evil.

Just one side or the other.

Like my own secret coin.

Flipped into the air,

Awaiting an answer.

From whom?

Fate.

Like the toss of a coin,

I too, pay no attention to rules.

"You must do this"

I refuse.

What I guess I'm saying;

What you should be understanding;

When you finally get the joke;

Nothing could be funnier,

Then what I was thinking when we started.

How I Am

I wish I knew what the answer was.

To hold such a thing dear to your heart,

Before darkness consumes.

Not that evil has corrupted,

Even though we can't be certain.

The haze comes quick, as always.

The self-loathing is just as fast.

But the haze makes me forget.

Not that I mind.

That's what the haze is for.

Memories that mean nothing; gone.

Truths that I've deemed unneeded; lost.

The haze begins to fall; panic rarely comes.

Understanding usually follows.

One quick trip.

Breathe deep.

Close your eyes.

Embrace the truth, never fight.

Repeat breathing.

The haze returns.

Colors define how I feel.

How I feel defines the colors I see.

An endless loop of darkness,

Though I'm not in the dark.

I speak of the way I feel.

It's not how I am.

For I'm not who I seem to be.

I'm just a simple servant,

Here to speak to you,

In the place of the Haze.

I remember

I remember,

When she used to listen
And he used to care.
While they all gave advice
And we would thought it would never end.

I remember,

That day I cleaned the car
You and I were just two kids.
But they were not,
And they didn't know.

I remember,

How it felt when nobody cared
That nobody wanted me, you, they, us, we... around.
When we played hard,
But we were beat harder.

I remember,

The burning sun on my back
Darkness raising my freckles.
God almighty in the sky and the earth,
But not in my soul.

I remember,

When rejection was no longer something that hurt
Just something to be expected.
That they didn't want a boyfriend,
They just didn't want you.

I remember,

When friends were forever
And a promise was worth your soul.
Before jocks were jocks,
And sluts were everywhere.

...I remember...
Do you?

Sleeping on the floor

Drinking in my bed

Mary Jane in the evenings.......

Living away from home

Resting in plain sight

Bent on peace

Willing destruction

I can't decide

Don't think i want to

Welcome to my hell...

Yet my everlasting heaven.

Hazy

Deep thoughts,
Shallow ideas.

Fit to exploding,
Not a drop left.

Always lonely,
Contently surrounded.

Tested faith,
Lost to fate.

Being the bigger man,
Sitting back and watching it play out.

I didn't ask if you wanted to fuck....
I just asked if you wanted to smoke.

Preceding Thoughts

Traditionally unsound
Neither liberal, nor conservative
Hostile environments consume generations.
Lovers, part slowly...
For it is not you who shall recieve this gift
Or the humble guest lurking in the shade
Tis' the lively one, with all those dreams and visions
Truths, lies, just a few of many

Death upon the sand?
Life among the stars?
A little of both?

Was never an option...

For in the end, not now or then, but when,
The time arives, you shall bow
Before your new found strength and weakness

It is I, whom survives on your fears
Your henious actions, your fruitful lies
Which you feed by word of mouth
Without creating a sound
And it is you, who falls beneath my heel

In the end,
It is all a game
And in more general terms,

I'm not putting you under peer pressure....

But it's your turn....

Fuck

So this is what it's come to eh?

Pathetic....