...

Lately I've been wondering...

And that's never been a good thing.

Valid Concerns

I see you staring,

Even though your not.

I want to talk to you,

Maybe some other time.

I fear what you think,

If thoughts are what you call those.

I need to cut myself free,

From what... I don't know.

My scars remind me,

Not of you, But of me.

Self-Inflicted, but not in Anger.

Not in pain...

Not in sorrow...

These scars are stories,

"This is what happened."

These memories don't hurt,

They hide.

These thoughts, inside my mind,

Driving me insane, maybe...

These dreams keep coming,

But unwanted; no.

Dreams of Light and Dark.

Never good or evil.

Just one side or the other.

Like my own secret coin.

Flipped into the air,

Awaiting an answer.

From whom?

Fate.

Like the toss of a coin,

I too, pay no attention to rules.

"You must do this"

I refuse.

What I guess I'm saying;

What you should be understanding;

When you finally get the joke;

Nothing could be funnier,

Then what I was thinking when we started.

How I Am

I wish I knew what the answer was.

To hold such a thing dear to your heart,

Before darkness consumes.

Not that evil has corrupted,

Even though we can't be certain.

The haze comes quick, as always.

The self-loathing is just as fast.

But the haze makes me forget.

Not that I mind.

That's what the haze is for.

Memories that mean nothing; gone.

Truths that I've deemed unneeded; lost.

The haze begins to fall; panic rarely comes.

Understanding usually follows.

One quick trip.

Breathe deep.

Close your eyes.

Embrace the truth, never fight.

Repeat breathing.

The haze returns.

Colors define how I feel.

How I feel defines the colors I see.

An endless loop of darkness,

Though I'm not in the dark.

I speak of the way I feel.

It's not how I am.

For I'm not who I seem to be.

I'm just a simple servant,

Here to speak to you,

In the place of the Haze.