Notebook Sessions #1

I wonder often

What it could be like

To know the pleasure you know,

The excitement someone new brings,

The suspence of day to day,

She gives you.

It's not her,

nor you,

not even me.

But of her and you becoming "we",

and me...

Well, I'm still me.

One day perhaps,

I'll know that faraway feeling.

Something I knew long ago, far away

I can't quite recall,

Who, what, why it was.

But it was.

Or was it?

For the Bold

What to write,

What to type.

I'm having difficulties,

Crossing i's, dotting t's.

Here I sit,

Nothing much writ,

Just my luck...

..But fuck...

While on the breeze,

I see with ease.

Days ahead and soon and far.

...

Makes one wonder where I are...

Ramble, ramble ramble

Words all a scramble.

Can't wrap my head around this concept,

except...

Here we are.

Something I accept.

What's tomorrow hold?

For the Brave.

For the Young.

For the Bold.

Hmm.

Lately,
I forgot what it's like to feel wanted.

Lately,

I wonder what if, more often then not

Lately,

I don't know what I'm capable of anymore

Lately,

I feel lonely all over again.

Ellensburg

It's lonely in this town.

Home is where the heart is,
and mine is not here.

Friends, wreck-less with abandon,
nowhere to be seen.

My calm demeanor.
Full force against my rage.

An endless battle,
Neither side gains ground.

It's lonely in this Town.

SSDD

Unrest
Stretch and breathe

Ignorance

Confusion

Realization
...

Fuck...

Clothes, Wallet, Keys, Phone, Sunglasses

Check

Sanity

Maybe later...

Flip my lucky

Spark

Inhale

Exhale

Deeper and deeper breathes.

My hands stop shaking

"Hi, how are you?"

"I'm fine, and yourself?"

SSDD

Looking forward?

Fuck it,

Looking back,

How could it have ended better?

If I had done this, or not that
We had been more honest

I said what you wanted to hear

You did what you felt was right

Inhale,

Exhale,

Stretch

It's over.

The sun set,

But the moon doesn't rise.

It usually doesn't

I don't expect it to.

Rest...

Repeat.

Every time

Every time I see you,

Your beauty,

Your flaws...

Every time I hear you,

calm,

Or angered...

Every time I touch you,

Adrenaline rush,

Taboo...

Every time... I look forward to the day I won't see you again.

Then these things won't remind me,

That you don't want me.

Change of Plans

You know that strand of hope?

When everything is wrong, it's all that is right.

When your lonely, it's what you hold onto.

When darkness is all you know, it's a sliver of light.

When day after day, you tire of society...
... It's the smile you plaster on, and keep going about your ways.

Do you understand yet?

People are rude to you day in and day out

Things never go your way

Your always on the losing team.

Your hope is there.

I can tell your starting to see what I'm getting at.

When you fall to the ground, and hope someone helps you up.

When you meet a special someone, and hope they feel the same way.

When you work till it hurts to rest, and hope that peace comes soon.

...

That hope.

Yeah... Fuck that hope.