Ellensburg

It's lonely in this town.

Home is where the heart is,
and mine is not here.

Friends, wreck-less with abandon,
nowhere to be seen.

My calm demeanor.
Full force against my rage.

An endless battle,
Neither side gains ground.

It's lonely in this Town.

SSDD

Unrest
Stretch and breathe

Ignorance

Confusion

Realization
...

Fuck...

Clothes, Wallet, Keys, Phone, Sunglasses

Check

Sanity

Maybe later...

Flip my lucky

Spark

Inhale

Exhale

Deeper and deeper breathes.

My hands stop shaking

"Hi, how are you?"

"I'm fine, and yourself?"

SSDD

Looking forward?

Fuck it,

Looking back,

How could it have ended better?

If I had done this, or not that
We had been more honest

I said what you wanted to hear

You did what you felt was right

Inhale,

Exhale,

Stretch

It's over.

The sun set,

But the moon doesn't rise.

It usually doesn't

I don't expect it to.

Rest...

Repeat.

Every time

Every time I see you,

Your beauty,

Your flaws...

Every time I hear you,

calm,

Or angered...

Every time I touch you,

Adrenaline rush,

Taboo...

Every time... I look forward to the day I won't see you again.

Then these things won't remind me,

That you don't want me.

Change of Plans

You know that strand of hope?

When everything is wrong, it's all that is right.

When your lonely, it's what you hold onto.

When darkness is all you know, it's a sliver of light.

When day after day, you tire of society...
... It's the smile you plaster on, and keep going about your ways.

Do you understand yet?

People are rude to you day in and day out

Things never go your way

Your always on the losing team.

Your hope is there.

I can tell your starting to see what I'm getting at.

When you fall to the ground, and hope someone helps you up.

When you meet a special someone, and hope they feel the same way.

When you work till it hurts to rest, and hope that peace comes soon.

...

That hope.

Yeah... Fuck that hope.

...

Lately I've been wondering...

And that's never been a good thing.

Valid Concerns

I see you staring,

Even though your not.

I want to talk to you,

Maybe some other time.

I fear what you think,

If thoughts are what you call those.

I need to cut myself free,

From what... I don't know.

My scars remind me,

Not of you, But of me.

Self-Inflicted, but not in Anger.

Not in pain...

Not in sorrow...

These scars are stories,

"This is what happened."

These memories don't hurt,

They hide.

These thoughts, inside my mind,

Driving me insane, maybe...

These dreams keep coming,

But unwanted; no.

Dreams of Light and Dark.

Never good or evil.

Just one side or the other.

Like my own secret coin.

Flipped into the air,

Awaiting an answer.

From whom?

Fate.

Like the toss of a coin,

I too, pay no attention to rules.

"You must do this"

I refuse.

What I guess I'm saying;

What you should be understanding;

When you finally get the joke;

Nothing could be funnier,

Then what I was thinking when we started.

How I Am

I wish I knew what the answer was.

To hold such a thing dear to your heart,

Before darkness consumes.

Not that evil has corrupted,

Even though we can't be certain.

The haze comes quick, as always.

The self-loathing is just as fast.

But the haze makes me forget.

Not that I mind.

That's what the haze is for.

Memories that mean nothing; gone.

Truths that I've deemed unneeded; lost.

The haze begins to fall; panic rarely comes.

Understanding usually follows.

One quick trip.

Breathe deep.

Close your eyes.

Embrace the truth, never fight.

Repeat breathing.

The haze returns.

Colors define how I feel.

How I feel defines the colors I see.

An endless loop of darkness,

Though I'm not in the dark.

I speak of the way I feel.

It's not how I am.

For I'm not who I seem to be.

I'm just a simple servant,

Here to speak to you,

In the place of the Haze.